I meet a lot of strange dudes...

So the strangest thing happened to me yesterday.  This is not really related to sexuality (I hope) but I thought I'd share anyway.

At the end of the day, right around when most 9-5ers are returning...I was crossing the street...minding my own business...when all of a sudden, in the middle of the crosswalk,  a dude with a shaved head, blazer and hipster girl by his side...approached me, huge smile on his face and everything. He grabbed my hand and said  'hi! ' in the friendliest way ever. 

I was totally confused,  so I said hi back politely and asked him  'do we know each other? '

His expression changed suddenly...and he looked disappointed...made a clicking sound with his tongue... 'we met at the...' and trailed off...

'Dude hurry the fuck up and tell me' I thought to myself...as the traffic light counted down to zero.... he had really got me curious now. I may be bad with names but I dont often forget faces.  And he was so certain too...

'Where did we meet?' I asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders in a defeated manner and pointed to the other end of the street  'I've gotta go...my girlfriend'

And just like that he walked off. Wtf? 
Why on earth did he stop me in the middle of the street?  Why was it so important to say hi at that moment?  And why on earth did he not tell me where we had met?  Was he just lying?  He couldn't have been hitting on me....his girlfriend was right there.  Though it was strange how she kept walking when he stopped.  Usually,  if im with someone who stops to talk to someone...I dont just walk away. Maybe he realized mid conversation that he didn't know me...or maybe he just bet his gf that he could talk to me in the middle of the street or somethin....

Whatever his reasons were, I was left confused and so curious, heh...

Oh well.  I was telling my husband this story when I got home. His first response,  'hon,  why do u always meet such weird guys? Must be the piercings.'

Hahah I love how he just blames the piercings for attracting weirdos.

I have had many a strange introduction from men (some women too actually) in the past.  Especially back in uni when my appearance was more extreme and the wearing of corsets more frequent...something about looking different from the norm perhaps makes ppl think id be up for all kinds of weird shit and strange conversations. But aside from a few piercings, generous amounts of eyeliner...I thought I was doing a good job of blending in...perhaps not...u can take the girl out of the goth,  but u cant take the goth out of the girl... *shrug*

Let me tell u a tale of long, long ago before I finish off. So back when I was young child of the night,  running around in uni...one halloween I was a nun. A bondage nun of course....whip,  strategic duct tape, six inch heeled boots, dog collars and all (In fact I think all my halloween costumes in uni involved my collars lol)...so I was standing in the pub with my friends,  again minding my own business,  drinking in the holy glory that is all Hallows eve (my favorite holiday) ...and in comes a priest. I didn't really notice he was walking toward me until it was too late.  He had already dipped me,  kissed me -on the fuckin mouth- and introduced himself. 

My friends stood around us, jaws dropped...like wtf...who does that?  We' re not in a movie...waiting to see how I'd respond. Lucky for him I was feeling particularly festive. It was halloween after all.  I was young,  full of booze and kind of intrigued...so I didn't kick him in the nuts...I did say wtf or something..but then we all laughed...he was a friend of a friend too.
.. I dunno,  somehow he pulled it off.  And because I didn't feel violated it wasn't sexual assault,  but had I been freaked out or scandalized,  obviously the perception of this incident would be a very different one. So gentlemen, I do not recommend this as a way to pick up or impress ladies.

This guy is now my friend,  he's married too, and sometimes at parties this story will still come up. ..and both of us just cringe and laugh,  as do our spouses I imagine. ..but this was way before them.

Anyhow moral of the story,  dont introduce urself with a dip and a kiss on the mouth!  Common courtesy is to at least know the person desires a kiss from u. U could also end up with a damaged scrote :)

Anyway so thats that...a couple of entertaining (I hope) stories from my present and my past. But srsly,  wtf do u think was up with the dude from yesterday?

"My mother-in-law sexually abused me..."

Mona, 52, Female

A long, long time ago in my past this took place...but I can never forget: 

It wasn't an arranged marriage- maybe thats why from day 1 my relationship with my in-laws was strained. Especially my mother in law. 

The day after my wedding, I was sitting in the car ready to go visit my family - but she came and literally pulled me out. Said I couldn't go see my parents because I was married into their house now. She didn't let me go for days after, eventually I pretended I was going somewhere else and thats how I managed to see my parents. But since the marriage was my decision in the first place, I didn't ever complain to my parents either. It was something I had brought on myself, and I thought that I had to deal with it alone. 

Aside from the emotional abuse, I do believe my mother-in-law sexually abused me too, something I've actually come to realise much later in life. 

When I had children and would breastfeed them, she would watch intently, she would forcefully touch my breasts and comment on how nice they looked and the attractive colour of my nipples, etc. She forbade me to lock my door, and we lived with her in a joint family - so she would barge in whenever she wanted. I was terrified of being alone in the house with her. I complained to my husband but he didn't have the courage to speak out to his mother. So he would just get angry, frustrated and leave the house, leaving me alone to deal with her yet again. Sometimes if i was dressed to go out and wearing makeup, she would pin me against the wall and kiss me, very wetly, on the mouth to smear my lipstick all over my face, and then she would cackle… laugh uncontrollably, getting off on the fear in my eyes. It never went further than that, but that was enough to make sure that I lived in fear of this woman for years. We don't live with her anymore, but my relationship is still strained. This is the fist time I am speaking out about this. I don't even know how many ways it has affected me or my marriage - but I do know that living in fear does not make for a peaceful, happy life. 

*     *     *

WOW. What. In. The. Fuck. I don't even....know what to say to you Mona. Except I'm glad you're out of this situation, and I'm so terribly sorry it happened to you in the first place. I cannot believe that despite telling your husband, he did nothing knowing that this would probably continue to happen. I can't wrap my mind around that...Or this story really...

And know something, just because you decided who to marry yourself, it certainly didn't mean you needed to suffer through all that alone. People are entitled to make a choice about who they will be spending the rest of their lives with (in fact I don't think there is anyone as qualified to make the choice), sometimes those choices don't work out  - its as simple as that really, your family should be there to support you throughout, regardless of who picked the spouse. Perhaps they would've been had you given them the chance. I'm not a fan of arranged marriage at all, it can easily be a vehicle to oppress women...and sometimes men too. Please, please teach your children to speak out and to never put up with situations that make them even slightly uncomfortable. Teach them that they can talk to you about anything. 

Aside from that I'm surprised you're still married to this man. 

My heart goes out to you, thank you for sharing your story and hopefully you inspire someone to speak out for themselves today. 

Brides are not oddities but zombies might be!

I've had very little time to post lately.... the courses I'm in this semester are taking every moment of my spare time...I do apologize...but today someone shared an article with me I could not ignore.

So I'm going to try to do this as quickly as possible. 

Express Tribune is not my favourite Pakistani newspaper... they often print things that are misogynistic, and just plain bad writing. But on the flipside they do create some sort of voice for more liberal Pakistani thoughts as well, by posting stories about taboos like homosexuality, etc. Their intention for doing so I believe is not as honorable - they just want hits. They want to create controversy and be talked about... which is not the worst thing...thats what all media does to an extent. But the fact that they print some horrifically offensive stuff just to get hits is what really gets my goat. Don't pretend to be pro-women and then go publish misogyny. 

Responsible journalism is a thing ET. Look it up.

There are some nice and professional people who work there that I've interacted with (Hi J :) ), but my experience with some of their people asking me if they could publish my work was less than great. They screwed up on the basic principle of giving credit where credit was due. Took my work and published it on certain social media sites without asking me AND without any real link to me or my blog at all. You'd think a simple email would fix this... oh no no...the woman I had the pleasure of dealing with was on some strange power trip where even though she asked me for my work, she wasnt willing to listen or perhaps unable to comprehend something as simple as , "hey - why did u put my work up there without telling me or linking to me, could u at least add a link?"  --- anyhow, i don't want to go on a rant about that... just telling u that i personally didnt have a great experience either. Several emails later, with multiple screenshots explaining what I meant, the problem was half-assedly fixed. 

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. You can read the 'article' in question here, but for our purposes I will be responding to select parts. 

Now its true, bridezillas are for real... as are groomzillas. Horrible people get married just like not-so-horrible people do (and certain stressful situations just bring out the worst in humans)... you can joke about how they're annoying and bossy during their wedding, but some things are most certainly not funny - especially if you reduce them to fit one specific gender... and it's sad that I even have to point this out to you MsT whoever you are.... if you're a woman yourself, its even sadder. 

The title alone is enough to make u want to gag on the idiocy 

"7 Bridal oddities you are sure to meet in Pakistan!"

who's running this fucking paper? Brides are women and people... not to be referred to as 'oddity 1' or 'oddity 2'. 

*     *     *

Oddity 1:
"This secret-agent bride has an uncanny ability to conceal all information about her wedding and dodge all inquiries. Torture her if you must but she will not fess up. Confront her during her nikah signing or barge into her room on her wedding night and she will STILL deny it!"

What the fuck are you actually confronting her about and why? And WHAT on the fucking face of this earth justifies barging into someone's room on their wedding night? Just because your appetite for juicy details wasn't satisfied? I mean this is not particularly misogynistic as just plain rude to both individuals involved.. and not to mention a pretty stupid joke. 

Oddity 2:
Besharam Bride

"While other brides will look down modestly and steal shy glances at their men, this one will be grabbing her groom (read fiancé — the nikah has probably not happened yet!) and suggesting they celebrate their wedding night before all the hullabaloo of the dholkis and dinners starts!"

So let me get this straight, you don't want her to skimp on the details, but if she quietly wants to have consensual adult sex with her FUCKING FIANCE you think its wrong besharam (shameless) ? And you site 'brides looking down modestly' as a valid example of non ridiculous behaviour? for shit's sake MsT this is a prime display of how women are oppressed to this day. Why the fuck should we be expected to look down modestly and steal shy glances? What century are we in? Don't you think its time that women were allowed to look in whatever direction they wanted and NOT have to 'steal' glances, and time they were allowed to make decisions about who they want to engage in intercourse with & when? Tell me MsT, when in your  expert opinion can we have that much control over our own bodies without being besharam in your eyes?

Oddity 3:

Sharmeeli Bride

"This poor bride appears to be stuck in the 1920s. Once the date for her wedding is finalised, she is blushing perpetually! Ask her the name of her groom and she will place a finger on her cheek or bite her lip."

Jesus so this is an issue too? She must be modestly looking down at all times (yet not stuck in the nineteen twenties - u prefer the fourteen twenties perhaps?)  but not be too shy either? Ermm...do you have a problem with recognizing inconsistency or following a linear thought pattern? Perhaps writing is not for you... because your general idea has to follow through to the end. 

Oddity 4:

Nothing-will-get-me-down Bride

"She can smile sweetly at the designer who makes her ‘shaadi ka jora’(wedding outfit) a glorified version of Lady Gaga’s meat dress. Nothing can break her, not even her nand’s incessant complaining about the 50-hour long plane journey she had to make, all the way from America.  She is, basically, Super Bride!

Reason: Perhaps she suffered something terrible in her childhood which left her completely numb? Or, a much-more intriguing possibility, she just couldn’t care less about the wedding."

This....this is where u really get me. So someone 'happy' and with a general positive attitude is considered a fucking oddity to you? So much so, that you use some sick joke about a traumatic childhood to make light of this? What exactly are you referring to here? Let me think... what could be so possibly terrible in your childhood that it would leave you numb (and by the way, here u go again with your terrible inconsistencies, someone numb wouldn't be perpetually happy they would be indifferent... i.e., NUMB ) - but lets see..things that can leave a child numb... the loss of a parent(s) or sibling, physical abuse, childhood sexual abuse, and other absolutely HORRID fucking things.... things that should not be joked about AT ALL...i'm truly beginning to wonder if its empathy or intellect you lack MsT... We haven't even begun to have a conversation about child abuse, yet you've already decided to mock it. 

Are you listening ET? Since you claim to care about Childhood Sexual Abuse, and you post articles about it...perhaps you should put your contributors through some sensitivity training, or maybe... i dunno, exercise your own freakin' discretion about not printing shit. 

Oddity 5:

Everything-gets-me-down Bride

"Granted that tears are inevitable in every ‘shaadi ka ghar,’ this bride takes it to a whole new level! She cries, whines and screams before, during and after the wedding.

Reasons: This melodrama can only be explained by an obsessive need for perfection and focusing all her frustrations on the decor to temporarily forget about what is to come after the wedding."

So she can't be too happy or too sad...too shy or too assertive... and again you proceed to joke about how she might be trying to forget 'whats to come after the wedding'. One simply cannot make jokes like that in our society.... a place where women are often forced/pressured into arranged marriages... sometimes raped on their wedding night and for days to come... where they are shamed about not birthing sons, they are made to feel worthless/helpless... of course not all women are treated like this in Pakistan, but if even a few are... this is not something to joke about - because you're fucking RIGHT... she might be crying because she is terrified of all those things that might actually happen to her. Heck if i was getting married to someone I didn't know and was expected to have sex with him... I'd be bawling my eyes out. If you're half a human ...try to be a little more sensitive to the kind of shit women are put through...throughout the world and especially in countries like Pakistan. 

Oddity 6:

"No-cost-spared Bride

She has a talent for emptying peoples’ pockets. She will make ridiculous requests that nobody can, or will want to, entertain, such as arriving at the venue on a unicorn, asking her in-laws to bring in a gold-spun dress from Paris and requesting her buddies to colour-coordinate their outfits, etc.

Reasons: YOMO! You Only Marry Once and might as well milk the cow. Not to mention, this is the only way of getting even for all the spending she had to do on others’ weddings."

Ok, so here you actually have a valid reason to make fun of such ppl. Some folks are just plain ol' ridiculous and it comes out on their special day... this kind of behaviour is not exclusive to women I'd like to point out. And also, I'd remove the word oddity --- because as I've mentioned brides are people not oddities...aside from that you seem to have not fucked up terribly on this one. Oh wait, but your logic is still flawed... 

"this is the only way of getting even for all the spending she had to do on others’ weddings."

Soooo...errrm.... she has to spend a lot on other people's weddings so the logic is to spend even more on her own? Makes no sense. Scratch that, u fucked up again. Don't give up your day job MsT. 

Oddity 7:

"The religious fanatic bride

No one is allowed to smile at this event — unless it is done without your teeth showing and eyes sparkling. Music is out of the question, unless the bride is in party mode and you can only play the duff very ligtly. The nikah is being held at a masjid!"

Wait... so you don't want her to be too religious either - she should be modest enough to not even look up but not be too shy - She's a skank if she wants to have premarital sex with her fiance but you also have a problem if she wants to sign her papers in a mosque. Got it. Oh and not too happy or too sad either. 

Soounds totally doable, send us an account of your wedding would ya? since you dont like people who hold back on details... 

Cheers, keep up the quality journalism ET. 

You're such a Pakistani Rockstarrrr (manson reference for those of u who werent spooky kids in ur youth)

So I was practicing photoshop selection skills for my class and wondered what it'd be like if our respectable/beloved politicians were indeed the rockstars they pretend to be...

Now mind you, some of these hybrid creatures turned out better than others.... and I have only taken a beginners photoshop class... so don't be criticizing my skills, cuz I'm well aware they aren't the best...

you may critique me after i take PhotoShop 2  :)

Anyhoo, thought i'd share these with you, because I found them amusing... also, I'd just like to throw out that this is in no way an endorsement for any of the politicians... they are all pretty evil as far as I'm concerned ... and I actually like some of these musicians/singers (no, not bieber) - so however cool one of these rockstars might be, it is not a reflection upon how cool/uncool the pakistani politician in the picture is.

Enjoy.

yea i got lazy with altaf....realised i was using a 

hard brush, then didnt bother to do it over again..

shit happens, *shrug* 

"I had an arranged marriage with my cousin and if I shoot myself one day, I think that will be the reason why."

Image from an earlier post ABCs for Little Pakistanis

2 days ago, someone sent me an incredibly disturbing video.

The person sent it out of concern for the poor girl in this video. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. The sender told me that it was a very graphic clip of a girl in Pakistan being raped by more than one individual. I don't know what I was thinking, perhaps I thought I could report it to the authorities or something, i certainly couldn't just sit there and do nothing... I needed to make sure that it was what they said it was, so I watched it. I really wish I hadn't. I couldn't understand most of what was being said (I was informed it is in Saraiki), but body language is universal. Though very graphic, it seemed like a simulation to me. The girl wasn't really putting up a fight. Just blankly saying 'no, no'... I don't know what the background is, but I'm pretty sure that anyone being overpowered sexually, against their will will put up some sort of a defense...

It seemed fake, and I'm trying to find some peace in that. In knowing that the girl was in on it... but there is still something in the back of my mind saying what if it wasn't, what if she was drugged....I will never know...and I dont know if anyone would care enough to look into the matter, as far as Pakistani authorities are concerned. If someone were to report it, they could easily make a case for it being fake...they might even have been informed already.  

And this is one major issue with there even being a market for these simulated violent/rape videos. Even though its simulated... or so they say it is.... it creates a demand for further exploitation of women... and the lines get blurred... no one ever really knows what conditions such movies are filmed under.. how simulated and how real something really is... especially if its coming from a remote region in Pakistan, there are no rules and regulations surrounding the safety of sex workers there, heck you can get away with rape and even murder depending on who you are... 

So clearly there is some very dark pornographic material being filmed in our 'conservative' country --- but there is no one to turn to.... 

I certainly wont forward it to anyone, because things like this should not be shared, unless there is a purpose... such videos need to be stopped in their tracks. 

Its probably fake, but I can't unsee it. What the fuck should I do? 

---------------

Anyhow, here is an interview I've been meaning to share for a while now, along with some correspondence we had: 

Hello, I love your blog. its ....so informative!! learning about all the crazy stuff pakis r into is such a nice feeling considering uptill i read it i thought i was the only freak in pakistan.

anyways... i read u wouldnt mind interviewing pppl  so...   i'd love putting my two cents in... i'd like to be interviewed

send me an email if ur interested.... fingers crossed...

and great job with the site man.. did i already say i loved it??? good luck..

regards,
Khan

---------

Hello E!

I have filled out the form (attached). I would like to give u a brief* (hopefully) intro about myself.. so here goes.

I am in most respects a normal 28 yr old married guy. I am pathan and have a good education and totally religious and conservative parents and family life. what most people do not know about me is that i am a total freak. I have been having sex with boys and girls and men and women since i could remember. I got married about 3 years ago. It was an arranged marriage with my cousin and i wasnt even consulted about it. Its normal for where i come from, where the guy bugs his parents about getting married and is thankfull that they found him a bride and he is expected to be gratefull for it. Me, i had a good education in a co-ed school, i watched a lot of english movies and i had much more ideas than anyone of my age group. I act very obedient and devout in front of my parents and family but i regularly carry on affairs with guys and girls and i generally have sex whenever i get the chance. 

I have like these awesome (if i do say so myself) ways and methods where i have ensured that i dont get caught. My wife is oblivious and so are my parents. i plan to keep it that way. I hit on girls and find guys online and i meet them for sex and other activities. i spend money on hookers and goto strip parties and stuff. i watch a lot of porn and have a rather large choice collection. what amazes me is that i dont feel like i am doing anything wrong. I have been told cheating on ur spouse is very bad. I cant process that. What she doesnt know, cant hurt her. I am very carefull about stds and stuff but beyond that... i think i have done everything a pakistani can do. which includes having an affair with my best friend's wife. ... I cannot stop thinking about having sex with every slightly attractive man/ woman boy/ girl i meet. ... i dont know why it is. 

anyways. I plan on writing a book about all the different ways and methods of how to be a successfull cheater!!  lol... doesn't that sound like being a dick??? which i am not. i know cuz ive been told by every guy/girl i have met that im  a very nice guy. very agreeable and good company to be around. Infact my uni graduation title was Mr. Goody 2 shoes. .. 

So there... thats the intro. 

What do u think about the book idea?? does it make any sense? i have never written anything beyond my academic subjects and have no clue how the publishing bussiness works.. do u think it will be a good book? should i even consider writing sucha thing? 

would love ur ideas... 

Regards,
Khan

------

The one thing that stands out to me is your lack of remorse. And I'm not judging you for that - Thats not what I'm here for, Its just surprising that you can cheat on an innocent unsuspecting woman so often and not feel the slightest bit of remorse. I mean, perhaps its because you were forced into it, you obviously resent her in some way for that. Though its not her fault either...at least you're able to explore your sex life/lust and desires in whatever ways you choose - but imagine her life -- she's stuck in a forced marriage with someone who isn't the least bit interested in her, and on top of that she is unknowingly opressed by the traditional gender role (that of a quiet, obedient, subservient wife)  that she expects herself to fit into....

I don't know how you can better your/her situation without (openly) stepping outside of some cultural norms that both of you will prolly not be comfortable with. 

You say you're a nice, agreeable man-- a 'goody-two-shoes' but in reality, you're treating your wife very unfairly. She's just there to fulfil her role as a spouse and child-bearer, but I dont think there is much emotion or affection involved. It seems more than a little dehumanizing to me. She is a person, after all, with feelings just like you. Imagine how she would feel if she discovered your constant unfaithfulness. Its not about 'what she doesnt know wont hurt her' , its about if she knew, how would she feel? And even though you say you are careful with protection re:STDs , I think she has a right to know if her partner is promiscuous, because she could potentially be exposed to health risks...it's just plain wrong to keep her in the dark about that...

As for your book idea, erm.... well objectively speaking, there is a market for almost anything... and often for douchey things.... so perhaps there is an audience for your book - as vile as it sounds to me. 

I am in a trusting, monogamous relationship myself and I can't imagine how you could sleep easy at night, knowing that you helped people cheat on spouses/partners who trusted them. Its just unethical, imo. Look up Ashley Madison... we have a whole goddamn dating service dedicated to assisting cheaters here. 

Other than that, I'm glad you've enjoyed the blog. No you are most certainly not the only 'freak' out there... there are all kinds. 

Lets get on with your interview, shall we? 

Khan, 28, Male

At what age (approximately) and how did you come to know about sexual intercourse?
I started playing doctor with my cousins (male and female) when I was about 8. I was just curious at that time. I saw a dirty movie with my guy cousins when I was about 12 and the cunnilingus totally grossed me out but curiosity got the better of me and I watched the whole movie and let my cousins (2 of them) teach me how to jerk off. I listened to all their theories and stories about sex intently and believed every word they said. I learnt the whole sex part and how it can be fun but, I really understood the whole reproduction process from my biology book in the 8th grade and was too afraid to ask anyone about it before that.

Is Pakistan sexually repressed as a nation?
I cant speak for others. I think I am very repressed but then again I think I’m a raging sexaholic so I cant be sure. I have extremely religious parents, and a very religious cousin for a wife, and if they know what goes on in my head half the time, or find out what I am upto on my “study” excursions in Islamabad, my parents will disown me and my wife will kill me.

Its interesting that you bring up  the words 'religious' and 'sexaholic' when talking about repression. In your opinion, is your very active sex drive attributed to the fact that you were raised in a very religious environment?

Have you ever had/Do you enjoy having sex? 
My first real sexual experience was with a cousin when I was 12. He was the top and I was the bottom. I Didn’t like it. It was very messy and gross. He was around 15 and when he came, it looked like the stuff that comes out when you blow your nose and I almost puked and I didn’t have another experience with anyone else. When I was 15, I started playing around with my class-mate. We were both the same age, we both took turns and then both of us jerked off together. We tried our first penetration after watching a hetro-porn movie and that was the first time I really enjoyed it. First experience with a girl didn’t come until the 8th grade when my cousins brought a hooker to their house and I was coaxed into it. We used the saathi condoms and she practically walked me through it. I have not stoped enjoying sex with either sex ever since.

I'm glad you were informed enough to use a condom even though you were young. And you are the third interviewee that I've heard from who had their first (hetero)sexual experience with a sex worker. 

On premarital sex:
I guess no one can remain celibate. I think its like an addiction, once you have sex, you crave it eternally and I have had a lot of pre-marital so I can’t just come out and say its bad. I think one should use condoms and get tested before marriage.

Did you get tested before marriage? And do you continue to do so, regularly? I think that is the least you can do to insure your wife is not exposed to STDs, especially if you're not planning on informing her about your encounters. 

On Arranged Marriage: 
I had an arranged marriage with my cousin and if I shoot myself one day, I think that will be the reason why.

Wow. That was a very heavy sentence right there.... jesus....I don't even think you realise how disturbed you are by this forced marriage you are in. I think you need to sit back, re-read this interview and re-assess the situation.... 

The girl looks too much like my sister. I didn’t even see the her till my marriage night. I couldn’t get an erection for 21 days after our marriage.

I can completely sympathize with you. It must have been awful, for both of you...I have trouble understanding why you continue to stay in this type of a relationship though... clearly... it makes you very very unhappy... maybe your sexual encounters are your way of acting out, rebelling in a way... trying to take back control in some manner.... Since you must have felt so powerless when you were betrothed against your will. I can't even believe I wrote that last sentence to someone from this century, to be honest...

It has improved with time and now I have sex with her everyday sometimes twice but its more out of necessity then anything else.

Holy shit, every day? Sometimes twice a day? Why? Why is that even necessary if you don't feel anything for her? Are you trying to impregnate her? 

I do not hate her, I just don’t love or like her.

Again, this srikes me as something very important. You don't love her... but you don't even like her... and to spend eternity with someone you don't even like seems like torture... do you think she feels the same way about you? 

If I had a hooker for a wife who would agree to participate in gangbangs and let me do my thing I’d have been happy.

Why does it have to be a 'hooker'? Are you saying you'd want your wife to sleep with others for money? Does that arouse you? And you really wouldn't be jealous if your wife participated in group sex? I would be curious to know the answers to those questions...

If I was unmarried I would have been the happiest man in the world. They never even asked me if I wanted to get married. They just said, we have decided 20th February as your marriage date. I made all the fuss I could but couldn’t make them budge an inch. My whole upbringing was never to question their wisdom and now I hate them for it. I think I am in sex overdrive because I don’t find a lot of pleasure in my marriage. I don’t find her hot, so I have sex with girlfriends, hookers, gay guys anywhere I can get it. (sigh)

Ah, that answers the question I asked earlier...so you do see it as a cause and effect type of thing... Honestly, I dont know what your relationship with your parents is like... but I can't see why you wouldn't just walk out....perhaps I just cant relate because I've lived abroad my whole life.... I don't think its right for anyone to force anyone into such a marriage... guy or girl... and it disturbs me greatly that this is still happening. We are creating generations of children as a result of forced unhappy marriages... and these children can't be too stable coming from such a home...the damage is transgenerational... and i don't think we realize the extent of it.

On Sex & Equality:

I prefer to act dominant and sometimes role play as a submissive and I don’t think its equal. I may not like something and still do it just to give my partner the pleasure.

On Sex & Exploration:
I think I have watched more porn in Pakistan than anyone else and I like all kinds. I think one should try everything because I thought I didn’t like a lot of things and the grossed me out but when I tried them, I find that I like them. What I have tried and liked are oral (giving/ receiving guy/girl) sm, bondage, rough, abuse, domination, role play and voyeur.

What do you think nature and the physical differences between men and women have to do with gender roles in society?
I don’t understand this question either. Well I understand what you’r trying to ask but I couldn’t be bothered about society or gender roles or whatever. My mind is already too ****** up without having to think about mundane stuff like that.

Well, I dont think it's mundane...in my opinion stereotypical gender roles are the root cause of the type of oppression/coercion you have experienced... 

Have you ever experienced a multiple orgasm?
Nope. I don’t know what that is for a guy. I once came while having anal sex. Does that count?

Yeah totally, that prolly happened from your prostate being stimulated.

Have you ever found or had your g-spot found?
I think so. There is this small spot inside my wife and she goes crazy whenever I lick it or touch it. She shudders and moans and twitches.. Is that it?

Sounds like it is... but there is some debate about the existence of the g-spot in general....

Do you know anyone who has sex but has not yet experienced an orgasm? What are your thoughts on that?
Nope. Unlucky is all I can say.

Do you think about sex every day? 
Yes. About 400-500 times probably. Every man/ woman I see, I judge whether I would sleep with him/her or not. Those I like, I picture naked and think about things I would do to them. this process is about 10 seconds.

Holy shit. Wow. 

Do you think sex plays a major role in your life? 

Yes. With all the porn, the sex, the fantasizing, the sexcapades. Hell yes

Haha yes, since these are pre-written questions, sometimes they are redundant. Apologies. 

On Masturbation:
I love it. Though I have found a long time ago that if I masturbate regularly for a week or so without having sex in the meantime, my performance during actual sex considerably decreases and sometimes I cant even get a erection during the real process. If I refrain from masturbation for 3, 4 days, I frequently consider myself superman.

On Pornography:
I love watching porn. I have probably seen more porn than anyone in Pakistan. I know its kind of abusive to the actresses who work in it, and they’r probably being exploited but… still…. I like watching it. Especially the rough violent types. The simulated rape stuff, the degrading girls sorts.. I don’t know why I like those but I still do ..

Well, at least you're honest. And at least that's make believe. But I must admit... when I read this answer of yours...I had to think for a long long while about what I would say to this. It made me incredibly uncomfortable..any mention of rape/violence and non-consent makes my skin crawl. And I have no issues with S&M so I really had to think about why...

The difference is, that the violence in SadoMasochism is desired, craved. Sometimes even begged for. It is definitely consensual. The simulated rape and violence stuff... makes me sick to my stomach because they are simulating that it is non-consensual and the fact that someone gets off on that is hard for me to wrap my head around.  I do however understand that sexual fantasies are a completely different realm from reality. Many fantasize about things they would never act upon... but still.... its definitely a grey area...I think if my partner were really into watching pretend rape and pretend violence... It would lead to some very serious talks....Beyond this, I'm quite speechless really.. I don't know how I can tie this up neatly.... so I wont....

To what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world, do you think people practice bestiality (sex with animals) in this country? 
Now that is something I find totally repulsive. Its just animal cruelty. Yet Ive heard of a few people having done it once or twice. I think the comparison is very small but im only guessing.

What are your thoughts on homosexuality?
I once thought I was a homosexual. I was in a relationship with another guy for about 2 years. And I don’t mind it. But now I know im not a homo. Im maybe… a try-sexual.. lol as in that movie. Where the guy says I’ll try-anything-sexual. Homos are aight. I love them. glad to have them.

Do you think education is important, when it comes to something like sexuality? 
Hell yea. People need to know how to have safe sex. Many of my cousins who I used

to play with, I have found, are engaging in unprotected sex with hookers. I try to tell

them about it but they never take me seriously. I have cut them off.

You have cut them off sexually you mean? 

What kind of role do you think sex plays in religion?
Islam is …. Well not properly implemented. If I had 4 wives, and a few slaves, I think I would never have any sex outside of marriage. The wives would drive me insane but I think I’d be satisfied, sexually-speaking. Apart from that, I think sex is gracefully accepted by Islam as something natural unlike the negative view that Christianity has of it. But the sex I practice, lol, I know I’m going to hell for it.

*No Comment*

Do you think we have a problem in this country with sexual predators and Paedophiles, and to what extent, in comparison with the rest of the world?
Yes definitely there is a huge problem with pedophiles. But I don’t think its more than the rest of the world and we need more education and openness about it to stop it. Beyond that, im out of ideas.

As far as sex lives are concerned, do you ever wonder what other people in this country are doing? 
I think everyone else is a saint and im the sinner. I think they are living their lives

repressing their desires and Im the only one acting on them. but I know that is just

being naïve and im wrong.

Yeah, you should read the blog more often...u will see that is not the case

What are your thoughts on oral sex: 
I love it, giving/ receiving with guy/girl. Nothing could be better though there are

very few who know how to do it properly.

Would you morally, ethically or in any way have a problem marrying someone who has had sex with someone else before you? 

Me personally, I have had pre-maritial sex. And although I have never fantasized about cuckolding I think it would be okay if she had had sex before. I dont mind applying the same standards on myself and my wife.

Not having double standards is always good. 

Are you more conservative in bed or do you consider yourself to have a 'wilder' side than most? 

I like it as wild as I can get it. With the wife, I often let her do her thing, lights off and the way she wants it. With girlfriends, boyfriends and hookers, I do whatever comes into my head and never let them turn the lights off. Slapping, choking, abuse, spitting, videos, yelling .. everything goes.

--------

Hi thank u for getting back to me so promptly.

I have to ask though, when u say u have sex with men/women and boys/girls do u mean underage children? I certainly hope that is not the case.

And when u mention that u enjoy the rape fantasy stuff, is that limited to fantasies...or do u think u would actually want to over power someone in that way? 

These are questions I had to ask. 

E

--------

boys girls mean 18-24. i aint no pedophile and i think they all need to be castrated and electrocuted... so there

and rape means simulated rape ofcourse.. cuz that would have that macho abuse angle. i cud never rape someone even if i wanted to cuz u see if i get the slightest inkling my partner isnt enjoying wht im doing, i lose my erection.... and i think its kinda cruel too. but those pornos are kinda hot cuz they have that slapping and abuse stuff going on so...

so no pedophile and no rapist here…

-Khan

Yes this is a fake email ID. I am a researcher on sex topics.

terror ******	6:04 AM (3 hours ago)

Asalam o Alikum,

Yes this is a fake email ID. I am a researcher on sex topics. And on controversial topics... mostly a battle between science and religion.  

I am a religious person. Not much practicing but i try to improve my self more and more according to islam. 

I am here to know about you :P

R u muslim? Ur education etc etc :P 

Looking forward for a reply... well lets see were it goes :P 

Allah Hafiz

-------------

Why hello, Mr. 'Terror*****' what an inviting fake name you have chosen. Who wouldn't be motivated to respond to such a genuine, warm-hearted email. 

I am shocked that this is a fake email ID, if you had not informed me of this - I would have never known. 

Since you are a researcher on 'sex topics' I would naturally assume that you'd have an official, science-y / researcher email ID. Even if you had to create a fake one, you could have made one that would back your story up and make it seem more authentic (just some friendly advice for next time). Perhaps something like; sex.researcher@gmail.com or  info.sexresearch@gmail.com would have been more suited. 

Sex topics AND controversial topics? My my, you must be a busy bee researching something as broad as 'controversy' in general. I'm impressed. 

Most of all, I'm impressed with your knowledge of technical terms often used in the scientific study of sexuality. You have indeed displayed that you are an experienced sex researcher. 

And thank you very much for sharing the relevant information about your personal religious habits. No sex research conversation is complete without the sharing of such vital information. 

Interesting that you want to know about me specifically. How exactly will my religious beliefs and my educational background assist you in your research? I would be more than happy to oblige if you could provide me with the connection. 

Here is your reply, and prompt too, I might add.

Good Day Sir. 

-Eiynah 

ps. It isn't going much further than this. 

"I am particlaulry interested in long hairs of women"

Some of you have mentioned that you'd like to see the messages/emails that don't make it on the blog. Here is a fine example of the 'gems' I often receive:

HI ,

I want to contribute my experiences also starting from my adult life. But let me tell you i am not very fluent in english so will use roman urdu too.

So i am right now 26 and male. I lived in Faisalabad and now living in Islamabad. i have something very different as per sex rules. I am particlaulry interested in long hairs of women. I like too much sexual appeal for the women  with hip length hairs. Interestingly i masturbated to get adultatry while thinking of my aunt who had a very thick long hip kissing braid. She use to come in ur house on and off later i trued to touch the braid while thinking that hairs have no sensor system isi liyeah jab kattay hain dard nahi hota. I think she felt this thing and once when she came to our house i was sitting behing her i tried to touch her braid and she felt. but surprisingly she get her braid off her dopata and put in front then throw it on back... in those time whenever she came to our home and sit outside in the lawn i use to masturbate. In those days there came another neighbour whose aunt had sexy braid too. She later cut her hairs and i was very sad of her. Later after i searched interent and found that hair sex is very attractive as lot of models offer hair jobs. I forget to told u that while i was in metric i fall in love with a gril who agreed to start the affair after i acdepted her shart of kissing her. At that time i had no idea of french kiss so i did not tasted it. However, later on french kiss is the hotest thing that erose my shaft well. I have a huge collection of long hair photos and i use to masturbate on and off by watching them. I have downloaded several porn movies featuring long hair models like lena li and ange venus. I love to masturbate on NOOR also. I have experienced phone sex too with several Pakistani and foreign girls. Once i had an experience with a girl who called her Saima . i uploaded her 200 Rs on jazz and she did phone sex with me. knowing that i love long hairs se said " lo main nay joori khola. apna lun is main daaalo. aa mera hont chooso, mei zaban chooso,yeah lo main nay apnay baal tumahray lund per cherha diey , bla bla bla.."' laterr i also had a sex on skype with an indian gril. She talked in english keh fill my vagina etc etc.... But the most lovely talk i had was with a gril from Multan. She was house hold lady unmarried and she had long hairs.i dont had a sex chat with her but i talked a lot about her hairs. She later gopt married and told me ab hum wo sab kertay hain jis ki kabhi batain kertay thyey. since us ka mian koi itna kamal nahi hai wo kehti keh hontoon wali chummi ka maza nahi aata mujhay. haan main roz subah apnay baalon say tapkata pani us per gira ke usay uthati hn... aaj kal main french kissing or long hairs wali videos baanta hn or upload kerta hn. meri shadi honay wali hai and i wish key meri bv kay lmabay baal hn ta keh main us say bhi sexker sakoon..

image from: http://whatsupwithred.blogspot.ca/

So there u have it folks :)